Hello again to all my friends, I'm glad you came to play!

Welcome, everyone! I don't know why I didn't do this a while ago. In the mid nineties, bulletinboard systems flurrished. THey functioned like small home-spun versions of the Internet. Many bulletinboard systems, or bbses, had online games. I wrote one such game, called Barneysplat!

For some reason I still do not understand, it became insanely popular. I started by just writing it as a joke, mainly to strengthen my programming ability, and to make my friends laugh. One night, as if a switch had become thrown, people started calling from all over the country. It probably made it onto a CDROM at this point. Back then, having files on a CDROM meant a big deal, and it also meant that it received free national exposure. Suddenly, people from all over the country called in to get the latest version, and often to chat and give ideas of their own. I made many friends through the game, some of them lasting, one of whom has past into Limbo.

After hearing from one long-time Barneysplatter, you might say thee original Barneysplatter, I realized that people really still liked this game. Once or twice a year, I would get an email or phone call from someone nervously asking if I wrote the game, and many say they stil play it once in a while for a good laugh. I wanted to bring us all together again, to reacquaint myself with some old friends, and to make some new ones. Plus, we may have some STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPENDOUS surprises for you, so stay tuned. I also want to make sure that everyone has the files to properly enjoy the game under WIndows, since things don't work quite like they used to, especially when dealing with the DOS box!

Thee Files

The final release of the original Barneysplat! Made by editing the binary with vim and by utilizing the script system. Fixes misspellings and adds some more current cultural references.
The historic final release, in its original preserved form!
In case you don't have an unzip program handy, you can use good old pkunzip. This version works with long filenames. Plus, you don't have to pay for it.
Remember Ansi graphics? This game uses them, and you will need to have an Ansi driver. This .com file works just like the old ansi.sys file, and you can run it in a DOS box, instead of having to reboot and hope things work. Just run this first and enjoy.
Lastly, you will need vdmsound. This most useful program emulates a classic Soundblaster in a Windows DOS box. Go and download this amazing utility. Having the sound makes the game five times more fun!
Remember CN, Computer Narcotics? If so then enjoy. Obviously, sound has improved in computers, making this program rather obsolete, but I still wanted to put it up just for fun. It doesn't relate to Barneysplat! per se, but I put it out at around the same time, and it filled a need.

Instructions for Windows Users

Put ansi.com, and if you need it, unzip25.exe, in a directory within your path, such as c:\windows or c:\dos. Install vdmsound. Create a directory to install Barneysplat! and unzip the BS0041.ZIP file into it.

You will have to make a configuration file before you can play. If you want to just get it working, create a textfile called bs.cfg in your Barneysplat! directory. Put an N on two lines.


You can read the delapidated docs to learn more. Basically, the first line controls wether or not the game keeps track of time, the second if a player can only play once per day.

To play the game, go into a DOS box. You can go to Start, then RUn, then type cmd. Once you see the happy DOS prompt, type ansi to start the ansi driver. Next, type dosdrv to start the thumpin' Adlib FM sound. Then, go into your Barneysplat directory by using the cd command. Finally, type bs and hit enter, and hopefully the fun will start. You may want to simply put these commands into a batch file, then run the batch file from within windows.

Instructions for Linux users

Download Dosbox. Once you've gotten that working, install the files as above, and run the game.

Fun Rant

That should give you everything you need for an optimal Barneysplat! experience. Now I would like to say a few words about the game. I wrote it while going through highschool, during 1993 and 1994. The first version just had the tea party and bike race, plus alcohol and pot. It grew from there, gradually having eleven events, plus field days, snack time, and other regular events on the show. Drugs also became a little more prevolent, giving plenty of opportunity for mahem. People gave lots of great ideas, and at the end I even put in a small scripting language so that people could write their own events. I don't even know how popular the game got on other boards, but many system operators told me that people would call just to play the game. We had lots of fun. I hope we can recapture some of that fun now. Speaking of, check out my new BBS!

It seems funny to me now to observe what has changed, and what has not changed. Of course, I have become a different person than that of twelve years ago, as we all have. We probably have all chilled out a little, the hyperactivity of highschool having past into the chaos of college, having past into the now what? I could not cook then, but love to now. The game has lots of dated references too. For example, President Clinton telling you to "Put that mask on - I'm hiding from Genifer Flowers." The World Tour also seems interesting, with North Korea at the top of the list. Art immitates life. The game makes lots of gags about Barney taking drugs, and having inappropriate relations with children, and sad to say that some of the actors have indeed gotten in trouble for those things. Some things have not changed: people still don't trust children around Michael Jackson, and still know about poor Peewee Herman, and of course, people still hate Barney. As long as this hatred of a universal evil hiding behind the cloak of a guardian continues, we will have Barneysplat! Once in a while, I still consider making a web version, or the hilarity of an all-out video game. Who knows what Goddess has in store.


The author does not advocate anything in the game, including taking drugs, alcohol, or comitting acts of violence. The author does, however, find the image of Barney with his snout over a bong extremely funny, and always will. Hopefully, everybody playing the game knows enough not to take it seriously.

ASCII Express

a.k.a. Omeron

Become Touched by thee Light">

Last updated on - 2015Aug07