About the Oompa Loompas
Once upon a time, all of the Oompa Loompas lived in Loompaland. A
man with the unforgettably curious name of Willy Wonka, brought a
good number of them here to work in his Factory, allegedly to
produce chocolate. After his retirement, he instructed his
successor, a child by the name of Charlie Bucket, in their ways and
language. The Oompa Loompas never knew of Earth's outside world,
only the labyrinthine world of the Factory. Once, a few escaped,
and beheld a world unlike anything they could imagine. A faction
split off from the original core group, and began contacting other
humans.
The Discovery of Loompa Language
One day, while eating breakfast after first munching down some
yummy Cacao beans, the Oompa Loompas appeared in the author's
kitchen. They danced around the kitchen table, occasionally
shouting words in their odd language. When they vanished, the
author had a clear insight into the nature of their language and
ways. Do you believe that?
Why learn Loompa Language
Have you seen the Oompa Loompas as portrayed in the movie? Would
you want them making a "special song" about you? Wouldn't you
rather communicate with them in their own tongue, and send them on
a little errand to go make a "special song" for a person who has
morally wronged you, and deserves to get fucked with? Plus,
communicating with Elvin beings of any sort can have advantages.
They may not have the grace of Tolkien's elves, but what they lack
in grace they more than make up for with their Cacao beans. Just
don't cross them, or they may have a "special song" for you yet.
About Loompa Language
Firstly, a human MUST eat raw cacao beans to speak and
understand Loompa Language. Regular chocolate certainly will not
due. You must eat the raw beans. Only then does the language become
clear. The language has a high chattering sound. You can hear some
examples below. The words come from the feeling, not the other way
around.
The Structure of Loompa Language
Loompa language has five component sounds, as described in the
following table.
| Sound |
Meaning |
Function |
| L |
Sweet |
Expressing love or appreciation |
| OO |
Boom |
Exclamation, intensification |
| M |
Pungent |
To express displeasure or to call attention to something |
| P |
Prickle |
Used to make a point |
| A |
Orange |
Used to express agreement, a happy conclusion |
Listen to Loompa Language
We have unearthed a few samples of Loompa Language from the movie
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We will have more as they become
unearthed by ongoing expeditions.
| File |
Loompa Language |
English interpretation |
| The Oompa Greeting |
Ooloolooloo! |
This expresses the classic greeting. It combines the sounds
representing an intense exclamation, and the sound representing an
expression of love. |
| A Dialogue with the Oompa
Chief |
Oop! Oolooloola! Lmp, lmp, lmp! |
Here, Willy Wonka must persuade the chief to allow the Oompa
Loompas to work for him. First, he expresses that he must make an
urgent point. Then, he expresses his intense love for the Oompa
Loompas, and a vision of a happier life for them. He then
brilliantly concludes with a three-fold expression of the love and
pain felt by the Oompa Loompas in their native land, punctuating
their need for the improved life he offers them. Needless to say,
it worked. |
Oompa Loompa Beliefs and Powers
As reflected in their language, the Oompa Loompas have a very
simple set of beliefs and powers. They summarize them in five
rules.
- Care about the people who care about you.
- Do not care about the people who do not care about you.
- Share your Cacao beans with those who would share them with
you.
- Do not share your Cacao beans with those who would not share
them with you.
- If someone fucks with you, throw them in a vat of boiling
chocolate, turn them into a blueberry, toss them down a garbage
chute, shrink them with a television, or do the worst thing of all,
give them exactly what they want. Then write a "special song" just
for them.
The Oompa Loompas have enjoyed relative peace with each other for
twenty-three generations. They hope that this page will help humans
feel better, and help teach how to handle problems in a stress-free
way. They also want humans to know about the raw Cacao bean and its
awesome powers. They wish you a happy day, unless of course, they
don't...
The True Story of the Oompa Loompas
Throughout history, cultures have had stories of rather mischievous
beings, often called fairies or elves. Rold Dahl, the author of the
original books Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Charlie and
the Great Glass Elevator, came from a background of Scandinavian
poverty. The Scandinavians have rich languages, and creation epics
to reflect them. When J.R.R. Tolkien learned Finish to learn the
Kalevala, he described it as like discovering an ancient wine
cellar stocked with the finest wines. Rold Dahl came from Norway,
which has similar stories. These mischievous beings play a part in
these stories, and Dahl incorporated them into the story of Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory, calling them Oompa Loompas.
In the early seventies, he participated in the making of the
first movie adaptation of his work, called Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory, to differentiate it from the book, due to plot
differences. He died before the most recent remake of his work,
which kept the title of the original book, Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory, due to its near verbatim adaptation. This movie
portrays the Oompa Loompas much more accurately. They have a darker
quality, matching descriptions of them from lore.
It goes without saying that our "good friends" in the New World
Order know all of this information. This movie would make an
excellent mind control programming script, from their point of view
of course. This does not necessarily mean the creators of the book
and movies would have to know about this, the Illuminated Ones know
how to use good for evil purposes. Additionally, the movie contains
strong paraliminal drug messages. Perhaps the movie's hypnotic
triggers go well with the Cacao state. Perhaps marketers have set
up a vast conspiracy to sell raw cacao beans over the internet,
using the movie as a giant advertising tool. Perhaps the simplest
explanation really does hold true, that the people involved in
making this beautiful movie just want to show adults who watch with
eyes to see how to have a good time. Who knows? In the end, does it
matter? As a Discordian ambassador of love and Cacao, negotiations
with them have resulted in them agreeing to help with Operation
Mindfuck, and to aide in our nefarious Discordian Deeds. Thus, they
have given these linguistic and belief guidelines to Discordians
everywhere to help combat the Illuminated Ones with their own
fucking weapons. Do you believe that?
Last updated on Prickle-Prickle 63, in the Season of Confusion,
YOLD 3161
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